C.L. Cloaca

Dr. C.L. O’Cloaca is a Brazilian-born penguinologist who fled the tropics for the icy promise of the Southern Hemisphere, eventually settling in Australia. Known for his flamboyant field methods (he once tested guano trajectories using a cricket pitching machine), O’Cloaca has dedicated his career to proving that penguin hygiene is both a biomechanical marvel and a public health service.

A self-styled “excremental ecologist,” he has become infamous in conference corridors for his long-running feud with the mysterious Prof Penguin—a rivalry marked by dueling PowerPoint slides, passive-aggressive citations, and the occasional shouted argument over krill viscosity. Despite the drama, O’Cloaca insists that “science, like penguins, is best enjoyed under pressure.”

When not at war with colleagues or calibrating cloacal sensors, he enjoys samba dancing, competitive lawn bowls, and teaching local schoolchildren the physics of penguin poop using garden hoses.